When you Give up

When you finally don't know what else to do anymore. When you finally put all the blame on yourself and realize life will never be what you expected it to be. over the years I have rewind peoples lives time and time again. It's not fair I feel I'm just a waste of space in peoples lives these days. Anything I do I rewind or mess up and screw peoples lives up. I'm not the best person in the world even when I try to be. I've overcome so much, but finally, I realize what the point anymore. Whats the point of being in the world if nothing is ever going to go right for me ever. My life has fallen apart since my accident and it just keeps getting worse and worse. It really is to the point I wish I would have just died that night. honestly, the pain I feel every day with every movement in my body kills me. The looks on my kids face when I have told them no due to the fact that I have no extra money. The fact that person gets a walk around free and not hurt why is suffering and my family suffering from it kills me. A fucking NIGGER gets to walk free after driving drunk makes no sense to me. Lawyers don't care what I'm going through they just want the most money possible. Insurance people don't give a crap they don't want to pay. Doctors just want the money from me and don't care at all. Car people just want money and don't care about the accident at all. here I am falling apart and no one notices. I'm pregnant and stressed to the max to where I can't even eat full meals which are not healthy at all. I'm over the world and in over everything. There is no GOD there is no Heaven I already know I'm going to HELL. once I use to believe but I stopped believing when I realize nothing never came true it was all a fucking joke if you ask me. I deal with my husband not happy every day and I cant fix it why because I messed up our lives and all I want to do is just sit a cry for hours over it because of I'm so upset over it. When you cant pay bills things are going to get shut off and you just can't take it anymore. Yes, this post is a rant about me being a total fuck up as you can say! That I hate myself and I hate fact that I'm never going to be the right person again. I've been messed up for year and year I don't think anyone never going to be able to fix me. It just keeps going to one bad thing after another I'm pretty sure the next bad thing is right around the corner waiting to come upon me to be bam fucked you over again!