No name

Each night I find myself sitting against the tree,
Hating myself, locking my heart and throwing away the key,
I sit there and wait, just hoping for the someone who may care,
No one ever comes, nor will they I am aware.
I sit beneath the weeping willow,
Its leaves and shade make my soothing pillow,
Aye, my tears are just fuel for my restless dreams,
Then again, my existence is nothing as it seems.

It all began from a time I am unaware,
I had no friends, no love to share,
My heart shattered, the core went rotten,
My happy days long since forgotten.
My desire in life is simply to die,
I'm sick and tired of having to be in agony and cry,
My parents, family, classmates, they just build it,
They look at me as a mistake, best to fix it.
They hand me the rope and the chair with a smile,
They play it off like they care for a while.
Then they shut the door and sit by the bay,
"Whatever happens, happens," they always say.
The disappointment on their face when I live,
I must be a curse they seek God to forgive.
I'm constantly belittled and told to die.
The moments of love they give are but a lie.

Father who art in heaven, why must I suffer more?
Why have you made collecting my tears a chore?
How have I deserved this? How have I failed you and what must I do?
What more can I do just to please you?
Make this stop, let it end,
Give me love or just a friend.
End this nightmare just for once, even for a moment.
Just stop, stop making everything my opponent!
I cry every night and fake every day.
I make people happy with the words that I say.
Why can't I just sit back and be happy or glad?
WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME SO SAD?!

No, you don't care, just like the others,
Just like mother, father and his brothers,
Just like my crush and my exes whom I love,
You're just toying with me, laughing from above.
I'll never get better, this I know,
I have no people to love, no paradise to go,
Perhaps my life will end soon so I may rest,
Let's cross our fingers and hope for the best.
Well it's a long way down to hell when you're alone.
Although my life isn't much worse, no one cares to pick up the phone.
Perhaps I'll just stay here while the world becomes a hate billow,
Just stay here...with my weeping willow.

Source: https://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/the-weeping-willow-pain