Cyber- Stalk

Ah… social media. It is the pop culture peephole through which we gaze into other lives in general, and at times, with a singular purpose.

For some, the temptation is too much when it comes to cyber-stalking an ex.

 

Now You may ask, just how much peeking into another life constitutes stalking? What if you only take an occasional look – say, once every few weeks?

What if you justify your following an ex’s Instagram feed or Facebook page as a means to make sure your kids are alright?

Does that allow you to “legitimately” snoop?

Social Media? Bring it on!

Personally, I’m a fan of social media. Like most of us, I have the preferred platforms that I use in different ways at different times. And when you want to check out a potential date?

Online dating can be precarious. So a little checking to stay safe doesn’t hurt. I Google, but I tend to leave it at that.

But stalk my ex? No thank you. Unless I was worried about him spending time with a woman who had a crazy ex, or a woman who, herself, raised red flags – why would I?

I can honestly say that I have never expressly sought to view his life as represented online – not now, not three years ago, not eight years ago – not ever.

Anger, Envy, and Social Media

As far as I can tell, my ex-lives a nice life and has for many years. He has a good job, plenty of money, a large circle of friends, and a second marriage that appears to make him happy. There is a nice home, there are outings, there are vacations – all of which I’m aware of, via my children.

Like millions of Americans, my past years have been something of a struggle. Vacations with my kids? Not in the budget. And part of the reason is the financial fallout from divorce and single motherhood. So why would I intentionally look at pictures or updates that would ignite resentment?

I have no idea what goes on inside that seemingly pretty life, and frankly, unless it touches my kids, it’s none of my business.

I will not put myself in a position to feel badly about my life. Why would I walk right into the social media envy trap?

Social Media Envy 

I’m as subject to curiosity – and envy – as the next person. But I’m also not masochistic. I don’t look to inflict pain on myself, I don’t choose to be manipulated by imagery (an exaggeration), and the only time I catch a glimpse of my ex is if one of my kids directs me to a particular spot, where I may, inadvertently, catch a glimpse of their father’s life.

We all know that some people have more than others, live “better” than others, and have an easier time of things – from the outside looking in. If we focus on others’ lives (rather than our own), aren’t we susceptible to constant comparisons that breed tunnel vision, self-absorption, or hits to our self-esteem?

Cyber-stalking the ex certainly doesn’t encourage starting a new life. Besides, do we really think that Facebook represents reality? 

Shouldn’t we be facing Facebook with a more critical eye? 

Protecting Our Kids

On occasion, if one of my sons tells me to check something out on his Facebook page, I may collide into a photograph that I would rather not see – of my ex.

It. Still. Hurts.

I feel the old anger bubble up, so I set aside, I move off the page, and I keep my mouth shut.

As for those women (especially) whom I’ve known to track the ex’s every move online – following the assorted relationships, public conversations, weekend trips here and there – I can understand if you’re still involved in legal proceedings, if you’re concerned about your kids, if you find yourself stuck in the post-affair-aching stage or even if, like me, you’re living in perpetually challenging financial circumstances.

But otherwise?

Cyber-Stalking? Not Cool

Unless you’re genuinely worried about your kids – something your ex is doing, people he’s spending time with, places your children are being taken (or left alone), why not stop the cyber-stalking?

As for me, I like my sanity and I don’t care to relive old pain. I'm in a good relationship, and I certainly wouldn’t want my ex to cyber-stalk me. So why on earth would I cyber-stalk him?

I prefer no peephole into his life. I can only imagine that he does not feel the same due fact he likes bring documents to court with other users names on them. It's pretty sad a ex is called a ex for reason. If you can't stop stalking a ex means you will never let go. If you're so worried about what that person does even long after a marrage and when you have moved on to a new one means you don't care for the future marrage. Obsseion will drive you crazy and stalking can just only get you into more trouble.